I Want a Doula Barbie!

Well folks, doula training starts this evening and I don’t think I’ve been this excited since Christmas of 1985. I was six years, old which means I was finally old enough according to my mother’s rules to have a Barbie doll. My mother was meticulous about keeping us kids “even” when it came to Christmas gifts, so this presented a real problem for her. She couldn’t give both Katie and I Barbie dolls because Kate was only four…and Mom was very adamant that we not receive a much coveted Barbie until reaching the magic and mature age of six. (Incidentally, that was also the age at which we were allowed to pierce our ears.) And yet the Christmas presents had to be EVEN! What would she get Katie? And how would I play alone with my one Barbie? Her solution; Kate got Barbie’s little sister…Skipper.

Kate & I Last Year

Thus began my long career as the Barbie Tyrant. I was a completely dominant Barbie Overlord for at least two years, if not always. Kate was firmly entrenched in her roll of “little sister” even after Kate turned six and got Barbies of her own. My mom would tell you we played great together, and really we did. But very little went on in the Barbie mansion that I did not sanction. Everything that happened in Barbie world had to be properly planned out.

We (read “I”) came up with various “scenes” that would be played out with our Barbies. Often once we could, we would write these scenes down in the order to be executed. Then we would dress the dolls and set the stage. Once everything was in order we would announce “Play!” and the action would begin. If Mom called us for lunch or we were otherwise interrupted we would shout “Pause!” like on a tape recorder to hold the scene. If we didn’t like the way things went or came up with something else we would use “rewind” or “fast forward” to get the Barbies doing what we wanted. We played like this for YEARS.

I can’t wait to play Barbies with my kids. I know it will be hard for me not to become the Barbie Tyrant again; but I will do my best to fill the role that my own mother did when Kate and I (and sometimes Zach with his Pilot Ken or Ernie doll) played Barbies. Mom was the mistress of braiding Barbie’s hair and helping them into their all too often far too tight clothes. Mom had the BEST system for getting those tube dresses on. She would wrap Barbie in wax paper and then pull the dress over it and finally peal the wax paper out. I can remember her doing it over and over with this one particular shiny silver tube dress that had a maroon skirt you could put over it to send Barbie to the ball.


Anyway, I wonder if they make a doula Barbie? What about midwife Barbie? Probably not, huh? You know they make Doctor Barbie and Ken. But the two of them are ALWAYS pediatric doctors. I mean what other kind of Doctor would a nice little girl want her Barbie to be? Duh! Oh well, at least Barbie wants to be SOMETHING. The only thing the Btatz dolls seem to aspire to is being a slut. My question is, when you played with Barbies did you have the make-out? What about sex? I think our Barbies even got freaky once or twice once we got a little older? Did yours?