Random Things About Norm

Sometimes we call him Normanski, Norma-Lama-Ding-Dong, and Buttski.

Despite my most persuasive efforts, Norm thinks chairs are for standing.

bath time = fun time

Normy is a swiffering machine!

Normy loves the dog; the dog however doesn't return the sentiment.

I tried to get Norm to use a sleeping buddy for a couple of months before we weaned. We tried tons of different toys including two different stuffed monkeys. What did he latch on to in the end? The bear I bought when I was pregnant with him specifically to be his Teddy. Go figure.

If you pass a book to Norm upside down he'll flip it right side up.

Weekend in Kansas

Normy is crashed out for the night, and I'm not long behind him. (This picture was actually a nap he took Tuesday.) We have a big day tomorrow. We are driving to Kansas for a long weekend and Jacob's cousin's wedding. (Which, from all the rumors should be amazing!) While we are down there we will also be having our first prenatal visit at the birth center. I'm so excited and anxious to see the place and get a chance to talk with the health care providers that run it (a MD and a CNM). I have a ton of questions I want to ask them. You can read a little more about that HERE, at my new birth blog. ;-)

Getting Organized: My Birth Blog

My New Blog: www.birthisgood.blogspot.com

Lately I've been trying hard to add some much needed order to my life. This doesn't come easy for me but it's a work in progress. I've got a grease board in the kitchen with a to-do list and a weekly menu. It's a small step, but I've noticed it helps me stay focused an productive.

Along the same lines of organization, I've started a new blog with the sole purpose of being a place for me to write about birth. I'm guessing there are some of you who come just to read about Normy and our family happenings, and some (probably far less) who come around hoping to find a birth related post. Well, now there will be a special place for both. I'm used to a more holistic approach to blogging, so we'll see how this goes. I hope some of you will check it out.

So any way, this past Thursday we flew to Washington D. C. for a long weekend. Smoochy had a meeting on Friday and then we all enjoyed his company's picnic on Saturday. It was a blast. My two Jacobs played in the bouncy-house and we met some very nice families. There were clowns with balloons, a margarita machine (Smoochy's favorite), and even snow cones (I had four, yes FOUR!) Here are some pictures of our adventure (in reverse-chronological order because I am feeling lazy).

It Gets Easier

There are a few things I thought I was never going to figure out when I first had Normy. I've come a long way.

Diapers: I was so intimidated by the simple act of changing a diaper when Normy came around. I had never had any experience with kids before so even this most basic of task was daunting to me. I could never get the buggers on tight enough, or on straight, or in place in under fifteen minuets. Each of those first few changes was a real project. Of course, in a month I could change a poopie one single-handed, in complete darkness, and only half awake. This is a skill you get plenty of practice with.



Another hang-up that I eventually got plenty of practice with was the nursing bra. I remember trying them on before Normy was born and thinking I'd never be able to casually unsnap the flaps with one hand. Indeed it was several months before I could undo the thing gracefully with both hands, much less one. Each time I went to undo the shoulder snap I was all arms and flailing elbows. I'm lucky I didn't put out someone's eye...I got better.



Then of course there was bath time. Yikes. I was always so scared I was going to accidentally drowned my baby in the sink; or even just drop him because he was so slippery. He must have sensed my fear because it was many months before either of us started enjoying baths. The first two months or so he just SCREAMED!



OK, who out there wasn't utterly daunted by their car seat the first time they tried to install it, tighten the straps, or even just get their baby strapped in? I was hopeless with ours, and I didn't even have to contend with one of those infant carries that snapped into and out of a base (Thank God!). My solution: make Smoochy load the baby every single time. Ha! yea right! That lasted a week!



Thank heavens Smoochy had plenty of experience with little babies before Normy. He really pulled my weight there the first couple weeks. One of the things I learned from him was the art of swaddling. He has the tightest baby-burrito on the block. I was pretty sure I was never going to get the hang of it. But, like all the other things he's ever taught me, the student has become the master! ;-)


It's kinda' fun to look back on how far Normy and I have come together. I can't believe he was ever so helpless... or me too for that matter!

Rethinking Hospital Birth

Simply stated, I have been thinking and rethinking my resignation to a hospital birth for New Baby. The more I listen to my heart, the more I read, and the more I logically process what a hospital birth would entail, the more I come to realize that it is worth imagination, money, travel, whatever it takes to avoid the hospital. My baby and I deserve better.

"Whoa whoa whoa," I hear you say. "What is stopping you from having the birth you want at the hospital? Can't you have a baby naturally there?"

Yes. I probably could. But to achieve a natural birth in a hospital all the stars have to align just right. To get the sorta birth I want I would need to be educated; have strong support; the right doctor or midwife; and then a healthy dose of luck. And I'm not willing to leave it up to luck.

Even if I manage to convince the nursing staff to only monitor the baby's heart rate intermittently, fore go the IV, and allow me to set my own pace during pushing it isn't likely that I could keep the lights dim, delay cutting the cord, or birth in any position I choose. Plus, I would have to be willing to put up with the constant flux of hospital staff; understand that my super cooperative Doc may not actually be there; and just generally put up with all that is hospital. However, the one of the biggest arguments for me against the hospital birth is my belief that though I could possibly have the natural birth I want in the hospital, my husband and I would have to be prepared to fight for it. And I want my baby's birth to be sacred and gentle...which would not include fighting of any kind. Good vibes only please. I recently read a great piece on this very topic by the illustrious Navalgazing Midwife...please read THIS!

And what If I go for the hospital birth and all the stars don't align? What happens if my doctor can't make it and instead I get the doctor on call who happens to be known as "Dr. Cut-It" or "Dr. Failure to Progress"? What happens if the nurse to who's care I am assigned thinks all women need an epidural and tells me so ever few minuets. Meanwhile she's turning up the lights and asking for the 10th time if she can check me for dilation...and for the 10th time NO SHE CAN'T!!! What if my hospital birth turns out like THIS or THIS?

I am not being melodramatic. I am not being paranoid. The norm in the hospital is to have highly interventive births. That's just the way it is...and that is exactly what I do not want. So why would I go to the hospital? Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not going to unless I really really need to. And if I were ever to need to go to the hospital I would go gracefully and gratefully. I would go trusting the doctors and the nurses. I would feel blessed that they know how to handle really sticky situations; that they know the art of cesarean sections; that the have all the life saving medicine and technology in the world...because at that point we'd really need it.

However, as long as I am healthy and my pregnancy is healthy I do not need a doctor and I do not need the hospital. What I need to give birth safely is a trained and licensed midwife and an environment where I feel secure. And thank God, my darling Smoochy generally backs me up. In this insistence specifically he's all, "What my baby wants, my baby gets." I love this man!

Sadly, what I want is for homebirth to be legal in Nebraska, and that doesn't seem to be happening quickly. (Although not for lack of effort, thank you Nebraska Friends of Midwives!) So we've been doing a lot of thinking outside the box over here at Casa de la Smoochy. We've kicked around a couple of ideas that I thought were super, but my more practical husband helped me see where not so realistic. Such as flying in a top-notch licensed midwife from another state. I thought this plan was perfect, but as Smoochy pointed out, um no... homebirth is still illegal here. Bastards.

Okay, how about I go to The Farm in Tennessee to have the baby? I really like to eat meat but I could go Vegan for a month or so if I had to! It would be a small price to pay to give birth attended by the most renowned midwifes in the country. Smoochy's response: "You are not going to Tennessee! For starters, how would I get there in time?!?!?!" Alright, not this baby but someday we might happen to be living in Tennessee and I just may find myself pregnant there! (I'm re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth so I'm kinda' "high on it" at the moment!) :-)

Thankfully, we still have other options. In fact we have what turns out to be more than an option; we have a solution. Check it out: The Birth & Women's Center conveniently located a mere three hours south of us in Topeka, KS! Sure, at first glance birthing at a local three hours away may not seem convenient, but it is actually a terrific. (um...momentary update...we just moved to the basement for our first tornado warning. However, Smoochy assures me all is well as we still have power.)

Anyway, the thing about the birth center is that Smoochy's mother and several of his siblings live in Topeka. The rest of his family lives in the other cities between Kansas City and Topeka. This means we would have our birth surrounded by loved ones! Plus there would be plenty of folks willing to lend a hand with Normy. I'll probably head down to Topeka a couple of weeks before my due date. I'd have time to nest in; have a few prenatal visits with the midwives; and get Normy used to a routine in Kansas. Smoochy would have to stay in Omaha for work but will have a bag packed so he can get on the road at the first sign of labor. Hopefully the Midwest February weather will cooperate!

There is so much about this scenario that appeals to me. I was wondering who would take care of Normy here in Omaha if we went to the hospital. Everyone in our family has work or school. It's not like someone could come hang out in Omaha from two weeks before my due date until the actual birth. Yet, in Kansas there will be his grandparents, aunts an uncles, great aunts and uncles and others who would be willing an able to help. Not to mention that our insurance will cover 60% of the birth center fees. Sure they'd pick up 80% of the hospital tab, but let me assure you that 60% of the birth center fees will still be cheaper than 80% of the hospital fees.

Being separated from Smoochy for so long is the biggest draw back, but I'll see him on weekends and possibly more. It's not like we'll be thousands of miles apart. Further, I really can't imagine there not being plenty of time between the onset of early labor and the birth for him to make it in time (knock on wood). After Normy's 44 hours of labor I can't even imagine delivering in under a day much less three hours!

So, there you have it. That's the new plan. We will be in Topeka this coming weekend for Smoochy's cousin's wedding. While we're down there we are also having our first prenatal visit at the birthing center. We'll get a chance to check the place out and meet the midwives. In fact, they are open Sundays for that exact purpose; so that out of town clients can take childbirth education and have their prenatal visits! We certainly aren't the first (or sadly the last) to have to travel to get the birth we want. It's worth it. I can't wait to write more about it... but for now it's time to bathe and to sleep. Good Night!

(The Tornado watch ended without incident, thank God. I had never seen a green sky before. It was crazy.)

Discrimination Against Breastfeeding In Public

I received the following mass Fwd in my email this morning by a respected CPM in the San Fransisco Bay Area. Apparently, California's Attorney General is researching discrimination against breastfeeding moms in public. Yet another example of why California is a great place to live if you can get over the incredible cost of living... Anywho, would any California girls like to participate? Check this out:

From: Beth McGovern [mailto:bmcgovern@women.ca.gov]

The Civil Rights Enforcement Division of the CA Attorney General's (AG) Office is gathering information regarding discrimination against mothers who breastfeed in public. They would like to hear from women who have experienced this type of discrimination during the last year.

The right of women to breastfeed their children when and where they need to is an ongoing struggle. In 1997, a law was passed establishing a woman's right to breastfeed her child anywhere she is otherwise authorized to be present. In spite of this law, women who breastfeed are still sometimes subjected to discrimination and are deprived of their right to breastfeed in public places.

This is an important project and we encourage mothers to contact Sunny Sarkis at the AG's office (contact information below) and share your stories!

Sincerely,
California Commission on the Status of Women
_______________________________________

If you have information regarding discrimination against breastfeeding mothers, please contact: Sunny Sarkis, Graduate Student Assistant California Attorney General's Office, CivilRights Enforcement Division (916) 324-4085 Sunny.Sarkis@doj.ca.gov

Personally, I'm pretty impressed that California is being proactive to secure a women's right to breast feed in public. Unfortunately, I think it is probably still necessary. But I have to say, as someone who did a lot of breastfeeding in public. I never experienced so much as a dirty look, much less discrimination. I was always pretty blatant about it too. I never used a blanket or any type of cover (Not that I exposed myself! There was a baby in the way!). I didn't hide in corners, though both my baby and I preferred a more secluded spot. However, that was because we were hoping for a quiet moment not because we didn't want anyone to notice what we were doing. I've breastfed on countless airplane rides, at malls, in restaurants, in government buildings, in libraries, in stores, at church... you name it. Maybe I was just oblivious to the nasty glances, but I prefer to believe they just weren't happening. And honestly, I don't think they were.

When I breastfed Normy in public it often started up the best conversations with people. Women would feel prompted to tell me about their own struggles or joys with nursing. Old men and women would tell me about their grandkids. And new dads would tell me about how proud they were of their wives nursing their seven kids...and on and on. I'm not saying the battle is over; that women don't face hostility when they nurse their babes in public. I KNOW that still happens sometimes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I just never noticed it myself. I'd like new moms out there, wondering how they're ever going to get up the courage to nurse in public, to know that it really isn't all that bad. MOST people today (in every state, not just Crazy California!) are actually wonderfully supportive. The word is out; "Breast IS Best!"

Notice we aren't using blankest, and you can't see a thing!

Nursing while sightseeing, a self portrait...

In that last picture we were chilling out in the back of this old Mission Church. Periodically other tourist would stroll through and take a look around. No one said anything to me other than a friendly "Hello! Sure is hot outside, huh?"

At the salon before my sister's wedding.

Out to eat at The Stinking Rose in San Francisco. YUMMY!

More Practice With a Spoon

Thank goodness for the clean up crew.

Homebirth? Not Likely in Nebraska.

Where do I begin to talk about this new pregnancy? I am so very glad to be pregnant again, to know that our family is growing. I am HAPPY that Normy and his new sibling will be so close in age. In many ways this seems like the perfect time for us to have Baby #2.

But, man is it different the second time around. When I found out I was pregnant with Normy I was starry-eyed and delighted. My head was a-swirl with little blue and pink receiving blankets. I daydreamed constantly of the soft powdery smelling bundle that I would soon spend every blissful second rocking and nursing. Every kick and flutter of the baby in my belly was a mystery and a promise of the delights of motherhood ahead.

When I first peed on the stick with our new baby and saw that fainter second line start to emerge I felt my knees go weak and my mouth go dry. I was hit with a wave of joy quickly followed by the stomach dropping sensation of fear. “You mean I have to push another one out???” With your second baby it is hard to have any illusions about what you’re getting yourself into. There will be hordes of diapers, sleepless nights, and a whole new birth experience to look forward too…but this time with a toddler in tow.

Seriously, I really am nothing but happy. It is just a more realistic kind of joy and anticipation this time. I am actually looking forward to the challenges of having a toddler and an infant. I’m sure there will be lots of tough days, but also tons of precious moments when I see my kids loving each other and peacefully co-existing. One of my favorite imaginary scenarios is sitting down with Normy and New Baby with a huge stack of books. I’ll read to Normy while nursing New Baby and we’ll all be happy and content. Surely this can be achieved at least once a week?

However, there are some aspects of this pregnancy I am not 100% thrilled with. OK, there is really only one glitch. Homebirth is virtually illegal in Nebraska. It is 100% against the law for CNMs (certified nurse midwives) to attend homebirths and it is legally vague regarding lay midwives. Nebraska dose not recognize licensure for lay midwives like some states (like California) do. Plus, my understanding is that the few lay midwives who used to practice in Omaha were served “Cease and Desist” letters from the state threatening felony charges of “practicing medicine without a license” a few years back. The result was that many quit practicing and those that still do must fly so far under the radar that they do not (according to the limited research I’ve been able to do while moving) have access to the medical supplies and tests that I thought were integral to a safe homebirth back in California.

I have to mention though, that I haven’t yet even spoken with a practicing midwife here. Most of the above mentioned info. I’ve gathered from online sources and talking with a family practice doc who I went to for my first prenatal visit. I would really LOVE to speak with a midwife in Omaha, but they can’t advertise for obvious reasons, and I have had little luck thus far in finding contact info.

Smoochy and I have talked a lot about resigning ourselves to a hospital birth. And frankly that just makes me sad and angry. Not that I don’t think we couldn’t pull off a decent birth experience in a hospital given a lot of education, advocacy, back-bone, and a doula…but it could never be as perfect as the birth we had with Normy. I don’t want to deny New Baby the same gentle and loving entrance into the world that Norm had. And I’m pissed off that the State of Nebraska is standing in the way.

So, my next project after caring for Norm, gestating New Baby, and continued unpacking, is to join and become active in the Nebraska Friends of Midwives. My homebirth may not be a reality here, but I can at least help make it a reality for other families in the future, right?

I have not totally given up on a homebirth, but right now it seems that there are many obstacles in the way. Along with legality another road-block is financial. It’s not that Smoochy and I aren’t well off, because certainly we are doing just fine. However, after relocating, buying a home, and restocking the larder we’re a little tapped out. We do not have the money lying about to pay for a homebirth put of pocket. Not to mention, our kick-ass insurance in California (Yea Blue Cross!) covered 90% of our homebirth. If we were somehow to manage a homebirth here it would be all on our dime. We wouldn’t even be able to petition our new insurance to pay for it because of the legality issues.

I don’t know for sure where I’m going to have this baby. And thankfully there is still much time to explore options… Yet, if I had to guess right now I would say that this baby will be born in the hospital. In that scenario, my birth will be probably attended by a very cool family practice doc who gets great reviews form the natural birth community here; has backed up a lay midwife or two; and is a self-described “big hairy midwife at heart.” The first meeting I had with him went great. He gave me great hope that a beautiful natural birth in a hospital was not such a long shot.

Let’s leave behind the uncertainty and focus on the miracle for a minuet in closing. We’re having another baby!!! Yesterday I had an ultrasound. This was at my request. My doctor was a little hesitant about it because he likes to avoid ultrasounds whenever possible (I love this guy!). I wanted it however to determine dates and it is the only ultrasound Smoochy and I plan on having. I never recovered my period because Normy and I are still nursing and I feel it’s important to know at what point to start doing non-stress tests…you know, after 42 weeks (I'm only half hippie!) ;-) Anyway, when that little baby came into view yesterday it was the most thrilling and fascinating moment! There really is a baby in there! Actually a lot more baby than we anticipated. New Baby is about a month older than I thought. You could already see fingers and toes, it was magical. We left clutching our little strip of black and white baby pictures with a whole new sense of hope, love, and purpose. We’re building a strong loving family one little baby at a time.

Guess what!

I don’t know if any of you remember but when Smoochy and I moved to California I was 6 months pregnant with Normy. That turned out to be such a good time that we decided we could hardly move halfway across the country with out having a bun in the oven. So we, ahem, made some arrangements and now we have a new arrival scheduled for delivery around February 27, 2008. I'm about 11 weeks into it. Cool huh? WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

We had to test twice to be sure; this is actually down a test from Normy's pregnancy!

I'll write a little more about it all tomorrow, but for now I'm going to lay on the couch, maybe take a nap, and try and get Smoochy to bring me some much needed take-out for dinner. Greek sounds good doesn't it? Mmmmm tzatziki sauce!

All Boy

I don't think I truly anticipated how much work it would be to keep up with a toddler...and Normy is still mostly crawling. But, I can't turn my attention for a second or I'll hear the clomp-clomp-clop of little knees on wooden stairs...



And it's not just a few stairs...



It's a whole mess of stairs! And he's not nearly as proficient coming down as going up. It is true that little boys have no fear. At least this one doesn't yet. If I let my guard down for even a moment...





Here at least he is sitting down. Usually once he makes it to the top of the step ladder it is to attempt to open the cabinets just like Mommy. If I'm not careful he'll get to the top, hang on with one hand, and get on his tip-toes trying for the handles!



And since when did my sweet little boy get so insistent and demanding? Heaven forbid I fold the stool and tuck it away. That provokes a real tears! But his favorite place to cause trouble is under the kitchen island.



However, this seems so harmless compared to all the other climbing and scaling that I usually let him knock himself out under there.



Normy finds simple pleasure under the island, I find joy on top of it...



Anyway, Mommy needs a coffee or three to keep up.



That's it, Normy. Please just stay busy with your trucks!

Adventures in Solid Food

So, Normy had chicken and peas today for lunch. But, not just any peas. He was like the great pea inspector. About half the peas didn't meet quals and were promptly flung off his tray. Oh well, we have a dog now.