The doula training I attended was held in a beautiful second story Victorian building in San Francisco. After I ascended the stairs and entered the warmth of the studio one of the first things to come into view was a vase teaming with a dozen long stemmed red roses. On the first morning of the weekend-long class the roses were still tightly closes buds. By the following night once our training was complete all the roses had opened to their fullest bloom almost as if on queue. It was the perfect metaphor for the intellectual and spiritual growth we aspiring doulas had undergone together. Our wise instructor invited us to each take a rose home with us. I gladly and triumphantly brought mine home, dried it, and placed in a vase on my mantel to reminder me of the all the fabulous women I had just gotten to know, and as a daily reminder of my goal. I saved it to remind me of my aspiration to truly become a doula.
Since then I look at that rose every day and feel a little sad, and a little disappointed in myself. I really have not done much to further my dream.
Why not?
Well, I could use a ton of different excuses. The holidays overwhelmed me. Normy and I have only been home two out of the last four months; and never in one time zone for more than three weeks at a time. Plus, he is still so small and until recently was exclusively nursing. Bla Bla Bla… excuses.
The truth of the matter is that I’ve been a pussy about it. I’ve never been good with follow through. It is my single greatest weakness. I have never seen ANY goal to completion. When the going gets tough (or boring, or uncomfortable, or scary), I quit.
And even more than that, I’ve never had a real goal before. I’m 28 and this is the first time I have ever REALLY wanted anything enough to call it an honest-to-goodness goal. And frankly, I’ve been a little scared.
Scared to put myself out there.
Scared of rejection.
Scared of just all-around sucking.
It easier to read books on birth and doulas; to read blogs by doulas, to day dream about becoming a doula than it is to actually take steps to become a doula. And I’m unsure about what the next step is.
The little voice in the back of my head whispers, “Silly, the next step is to attend a birth.” Then my knees get a little jiggly and my stomach does this flipping thing. To make that happen I have to talk to people; in a way I have to sell myself.
I’ve always hated doing that. When I was in Girl Scouts (That only lasted one year…before I QUIT) and it came time for cookie sales, I was useless. Where other girls had the guts to hit up all their parent’s friends, their neighbors, and to go door-to-door for blocks and blocks, I felt uncomfortable asking ANYONE. My order form was turned in for one box of Thin Mints for my mom, and that was it.
I tried my hand at real estate for a short stint after I had QUIT work on my masters. After QUITING real estate I used to quip to people, “I simply don’t have the intestinal fortitude for shameless self-promotion required to flourish in that business.” As though if I said it with big words it some how made it okay that I didn’t have guts because I had brains. Ick. I had made the cold calls, I knocked on doors, and I passed out my card. I just wasn’t willing to do it vigorously enough to get the pay off.
And trust me, I know that becoming a doula isn’t really like selling Girl Scout cookies or like getting listings. But the weakness in me that prohibited me from doing those things is the weakness in me that is tripping me up now. And I have to get over it.
I have to work through it. Because THIS TIME I really do want it. I really do feel like I will be a wonderful doula. I never felt any really passion for history or real estate. I was just doing those things to have something to do. I am on fire for work as a doula.
OK, well the pilot light is burning, now I just have to give it some gas.
I am going to do this. And here is my plan.
1) Network Network Network. I will get in-touch with doulas in my area. I will ask them advice and pick their brains regarding the work they do and how they got doing it. I won’t feel confident taking on clients of my own until I have mentored under someone and actually seen a birth or two. I will start this week!
2) I will get signed up to observe the prenatal training at a local hospital. This is the next step to completing my certification requirements and will give me a chance to meet some parents-to-be who might be interested in working with a doula-in-training. (I’ve already contacted the hospital)
3) I will be more open with my acquaintances about the fact that I am aspiring to be a doula. I do a couple Mommy n’ Me-type activities with Normy and this is the perfect place to put myself out there and possibly get references.
4) Set aside time every day to study childbirth, lactation, prenatal nutrition, etc. The more energy I put into educating myself the more confidence I will have when the opportunity presents itself for me to speak with a potential mentor or client.
I wish I had more items in my plan, but this is a start, and I am sure I will be able to add more to the list as I start doing the above mentioned. Things in life tend to build momentum once you just get the ball rolling.
So that’s where I’m at. Hopefully I will start posting more doula related stuff on this site as I get my ass in gear!
And Now!!!
Poofs with Normy...
Poofs with Normy...
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9 comments:
After I read your birth story, I knew that you had something special to offer women who were labouring.. you've been there, done the hard road.. and I just know it, that you are meant to be a doula.
You can do this! You're going to be fantastic!
What about if you ask some doulas that you know if you can 'just watch' at a birth or two, just to get some confidence?
If I was near you, I'd beg you to be my doula!
xx
Off to watch the gorgeous Normy now!
That is so funny! I feel bad when they gag but it is so funny at the same time trying to watch them figure out how to eat. Boy that tounge was all over the place...lol. And I love his chubby little cheeks! Hope all is going well and thanks for making comments on my blog, I love hearing from you!
Love,
Amber
Oh my God, I'm laughing my butt off watching Normy eat the poofs (or watching them stick to his face rather!) I love your blog so much and Normy is so darn cute! I was so excited to see a pic of him in his PSU bib. My husband and I are both alum (and he now works for the University) and our five and a half month old Jack is always pimped out in PSU gear.
That video is priceless! You're much better than I was. When I first started with the Poofs, I broke them in bits because I was TERRIFIED of H choking.
As for the doula: I echo what Kate has said. After reading Normy's birth story, and then your post about becoming a doula, I KNOW that you will follow through with this. I think that this is really for you. And I'm so envious of you, for having that Thing that is meant Just For You.
I often feel the same about follow-through. I've always been content, well happy enough I guess to toe the line even though it may not be What I Want to Do. In fact, I'm 33 and I haven't found it yet. I guess I just want to be H's mommy? And? I want you to be our doula when we decide for the second baby. I'm totally serious, too.
You were one of my earliest commenters. Your comment on H's birth story was the only one that encouraged VBAC, you understood my disappointment and immediately offered your support, without judgement. The world needs more people like you, Becca.
I'm with you all the way, girl. You can do this. You WILL do this, because you want to.
HA! "House!" FUNNY!
It's me! Lizzy!
that looks like a pretty fine list to me, there babe and it sounds like you've got a fine start on it, too!
you don't want to know how many things I start and decide aren't really for me after a class or two ... but you never know until you try.
love the video: I am still way to chicken to try 'real' food, but I know we have to soon - I suspect our ped will give us what for at our nine month visit if we haven't... now I have proof in the Poof that it can work! thx Normy!
Becca,
I can so relate to your post. I have always dreamed of being a writer and I am currently struggling to complete a book proposal--on women and fear no less! I seem to have endless ways to sabotage and discourage myself, and I too have a wake of unfinished projects behind me. I am determined that this time it will be different because I simply cannot tolerate telling myself (or my daughter) that I didn't go after what I wanted because I was afraid.
YOU will be an amazing doula. Unlike realty or selling tagalongs and thin mints, this has nothing to do with selling youself and everything to do with BEING yourself. It is obvious that you are passionate about birth and motherhood and that will come through to people and they will want you to guide them through such a powerful experience. I have no doubts.
In terms of networking, Felicia Roche has made a video that she is showing this Saturday at 2 at Birthways. I am going to offer support/learn/be in the presence of powerful women. If Normy is on the mend, why don't you think about coming? In any case, let's do lunch soon so we can finally meet!
I think it's awesome that you have found something you're so passionate about. I only wish I could find something I feel that way about. Good luck with meeting your goals; I have a feeling you aren't going to quit this time!
I think you will make an excellent Doula. You are so compassionate and caring and have an innate ability to understand what people are feeling before they realize it. I believe you will really go far.
I loved the video with Normy eating the poofs. How cute is that? And when he finally got the hang out of it, it was like he was saying "WOW, these are fanstastic! I want more!"
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