Miscarriage

Ugh. I've been dreading coming here because I knew that was the word I had to write. "Miscarriage." What a horrible thing to have to tell the Internet. I lost the pregnancy. It seems the baby stopped developing before it could even be technically be called a fetus. Everything passed fairly easily and peacefully here at home Monday night. Of course, I'm sad. Of course, I am disappointed. But, I am OK too. It helps me to know that my body did just what it was supposed to do under such circumstances (as my brilliant and sensitive cousin pointed out). It helps me to know that the cells just didn't divide like they were supposed to; I understand that it is no one's fault. And most of all it helps to snuggle the three beautiful babies I have successfully carried and birthed, one of which still nurses and sleeps at night with her fat little hands cradling my face. When Smoochy and I are ready again, I know there is a fourth baby floating around the cosmos waiting for its time. A time I am fairly sure will come. So, until then I've learned a great deal, not least of which is to only post about a pregnancy on social media after the first trimester is passed. I don't ever want to title a post like this again. Thank you so much for all your love, prayers, and concerns. It means so much to both Jacob and I.