Almost 37 Weeks.

I remember back at the end March looking around at the world encrusted in ice, devoid of any colors other than grey, white, and dingy brown and thinking it would be a miracle that in a month or so everything would be once again grassy, green, and lush. I tied that thought into the realization that along with blooming of Spring would come the blossoming of my pregnancy. And now here we are into May. The flowering trees have already started loosing their blooms in exchange for dense green leaves. My belly has grown nearly as large as it will and Lola's birth is actually drawing near. On Tuesday I will be 37 weeks.

The final months of this pregnancy have passed as though I've been in a dream. I think in part, by my own design. I am so excited to meet my new daughter that I have been turning inward to deal with the pressing anticipation. I have not wanted to rush these precious pregnant days, ripe with hope, and longing, and joy... But the wait is so hard!

I have been cleaning the house; reading trashy vampire murder mysteries; taking naps; hunting online for bargains on used diapers for Lola's tiny tush... Anything but REALLY thinking about what lays ahead. The birth.

Lola's birth. Act three in the story of my birthing life. I don't know what to expect, but I find it so hard not to assume somethings will go the same as when her siblings were born. Both my previous labors started in the middle of the night with contractions light enough to sleep through. (What a shame I didn't take advantage of that with Normy's birth!) Both births happened right at forty weeks. So, that means Lola will be on time, right? Right. Her time, whenever that is. I've heard it said that your first birth is usually the hardest, you second the easiest, and your third is a wildcard. I've been trying to take that to heart and not put too much expectation on anything. I just keep telling myself that I can handle whatever this labor has to dish-out, and at the end of it will be my beautiful baby. I will CHOOSE to greet my baby with joy and gratitude no matter what path the journey takes that brings me to her. I'm sure it will be a wild ride...

In the hospital. I think I've passed the "I don't wanna! I don't wanna!" stage and have moved on to a place of acceptance. I was lamenting the other day to my doula that I was conflicted between wanting to get to the hospital early so as to avoid a car trip in heavy labor (or at least transition like Georgia's birth) and the desire to remain at home and comfortable in my own space for as long as possible. At which point in the conversation Smoochy very accurately pointed out: "Ya, I thought we gave up on the dream-birth when we decided on going to the hospital." Oh yea, I guess we'll just have to follow our instincts and go with the flow. Maybe I'll get lucky and my third birth will go as quickly as my mother's third birth. They never made it to the hospital. My baby brother was born right in their bed ruining the mattress. Surprise! The baby is here! (No one get their panties in a bunch, I am NOT secretly planning an unassisted birth. I am all about midwives, people!)

A few things about this pregnancy:

I have been obsessed with chewing ice.

I can't get enough of the smell of rubbing alcohol and find some excuse to use it every day. All of my earrings are disinfected!

I keep over-doing it and messing up my lower back. (Dancing all night at a wedding, weeding, lugging laundry, the vacuum, and toddlers up and down stairs, etc.)

Since the start of my third trimester, I have had one glass of wine, a glass of bubbly (at the wedding!), and sushi twice! This would never have happened with my first two pregnancies! Poor Lola.

I can't fall asleep at night. And I can't make it through the day without a nap.

Georgia pulls up her shirt and declares, "Lola's in there!"

I have bee slack about taking pictures... so yesterday I took a whole slew in a flurry of costume changes. Actually most were without costume, so not for public consumption. All of these are self portraits, done by stacking my camera on a heap of books or what ever else was handy. Someday I'll pick up a tripod! Oh well, here's the belly: