Happy Father's Day

Having a baby makes your heart explode. I have never felt so full of love and emotion in my life. I feel full to the brim. The slightest little wave and I overflow. Tears and feelings spill over the side like an overfilled cup that sloshes over the top. And of course I am overcome with new immense love for my son, but more than that it is as though the love I feel for everyone in my life, for all of humanity, has multiplied. I look into the faces of my parents with new awe, seeing their lives, their love for my siblings and I in a new light. I look at my husband and my heart feels like it’s going to come pounding out of my chest. The look of devotion and pride on his face as he swaddles his baby boy, the way he hugs and kisses me, all of it feels like high voltage electricity. Our home is charged with this love.

And I feel as though God has just pressed the “fast forward” button on my life. I told my husband last night that I feel like I am hanging off the back of a speeding train, my hands gripping hard to a rail, but the rest of me is being flapped and blown behind. I feel life speeding up, and I am hanging on for dear life. WHEEEEEEEE! This week has passed like a day. And my darling smooshed baby has changed SO much in just these few days. From being a scrunched and squished sleeping little blob of jiggle he has grown into being this round and adorable little wiggly bundle. His eyes hunt for me when he hears my voice and his sweet little lips search for me in his sleep. I am over come. I know each day will bring more joyous changes and more growth…but right now I don’t want him to change a bit. I want him to forever be this sweet smelling rag doll that sleeps on my chest and makes me feel like heaven really is something we can all hold in our hands.

Today is Fathers Day. My husband’s first. I am so proud of him. Big Jacob is my rock. For forty-four hours of contractions he anchored me and held me; bringing me through the storm; bringing our baby out into our lives; giving me strength when there was none left in my body or soul. When I was ready to quit he would hold me and repeat over and over the perfect words to reassure me that I could make it, that this is what I wanted. It was his hands that first reached down and touched our son, his hands that cut the cord, and his hands that held us both once there were two people to hold.

And today he is a father in love with his son. Anyone who sees the tender way he holds his son knows this is a man smitten. I am so excited to be starting a family with him! I know no matter what happens that our children will always be his first priority. He will be the kind of father, just like my own father, who will devote his whole life to teaching his children how to be good people, who will always do their best to show their children just how much they are loved. Funny, try as hard as father’s do to show their children how much they adore them, it isn’t until those children have children themselves that they can ever fully start to understand.

So to my father, to my husband, my grandfather, my father-in-law, my daddy friends, to all fathers, I would like to wish you the most sincere Happy Father’s Day! I feel blessed to have such wonderful men in my life and in the world.