Homebirth? Not Likely in Nebraska.

Where do I begin to talk about this new pregnancy? I am so very glad to be pregnant again, to know that our family is growing. I am HAPPY that Normy and his new sibling will be so close in age. In many ways this seems like the perfect time for us to have Baby #2.

But, man is it different the second time around. When I found out I was pregnant with Normy I was starry-eyed and delighted. My head was a-swirl with little blue and pink receiving blankets. I daydreamed constantly of the soft powdery smelling bundle that I would soon spend every blissful second rocking and nursing. Every kick and flutter of the baby in my belly was a mystery and a promise of the delights of motherhood ahead.

When I first peed on the stick with our new baby and saw that fainter second line start to emerge I felt my knees go weak and my mouth go dry. I was hit with a wave of joy quickly followed by the stomach dropping sensation of fear. “You mean I have to push another one out???” With your second baby it is hard to have any illusions about what you’re getting yourself into. There will be hordes of diapers, sleepless nights, and a whole new birth experience to look forward too…but this time with a toddler in tow.

Seriously, I really am nothing but happy. It is just a more realistic kind of joy and anticipation this time. I am actually looking forward to the challenges of having a toddler and an infant. I’m sure there will be lots of tough days, but also tons of precious moments when I see my kids loving each other and peacefully co-existing. One of my favorite imaginary scenarios is sitting down with Normy and New Baby with a huge stack of books. I’ll read to Normy while nursing New Baby and we’ll all be happy and content. Surely this can be achieved at least once a week?

However, there are some aspects of this pregnancy I am not 100% thrilled with. OK, there is really only one glitch. Homebirth is virtually illegal in Nebraska. It is 100% against the law for CNMs (certified nurse midwives) to attend homebirths and it is legally vague regarding lay midwives. Nebraska dose not recognize licensure for lay midwives like some states (like California) do. Plus, my understanding is that the few lay midwives who used to practice in Omaha were served “Cease and Desist” letters from the state threatening felony charges of “practicing medicine without a license” a few years back. The result was that many quit practicing and those that still do must fly so far under the radar that they do not (according to the limited research I’ve been able to do while moving) have access to the medical supplies and tests that I thought were integral to a safe homebirth back in California.

I have to mention though, that I haven’t yet even spoken with a practicing midwife here. Most of the above mentioned info. I’ve gathered from online sources and talking with a family practice doc who I went to for my first prenatal visit. I would really LOVE to speak with a midwife in Omaha, but they can’t advertise for obvious reasons, and I have had little luck thus far in finding contact info.

Smoochy and I have talked a lot about resigning ourselves to a hospital birth. And frankly that just makes me sad and angry. Not that I don’t think we couldn’t pull off a decent birth experience in a hospital given a lot of education, advocacy, back-bone, and a doula…but it could never be as perfect as the birth we had with Normy. I don’t want to deny New Baby the same gentle and loving entrance into the world that Norm had. And I’m pissed off that the State of Nebraska is standing in the way.

So, my next project after caring for Norm, gestating New Baby, and continued unpacking, is to join and become active in the Nebraska Friends of Midwives. My homebirth may not be a reality here, but I can at least help make it a reality for other families in the future, right?

I have not totally given up on a homebirth, but right now it seems that there are many obstacles in the way. Along with legality another road-block is financial. It’s not that Smoochy and I aren’t well off, because certainly we are doing just fine. However, after relocating, buying a home, and restocking the larder we’re a little tapped out. We do not have the money lying about to pay for a homebirth put of pocket. Not to mention, our kick-ass insurance in California (Yea Blue Cross!) covered 90% of our homebirth. If we were somehow to manage a homebirth here it would be all on our dime. We wouldn’t even be able to petition our new insurance to pay for it because of the legality issues.

I don’t know for sure where I’m going to have this baby. And thankfully there is still much time to explore options… Yet, if I had to guess right now I would say that this baby will be born in the hospital. In that scenario, my birth will be probably attended by a very cool family practice doc who gets great reviews form the natural birth community here; has backed up a lay midwife or two; and is a self-described “big hairy midwife at heart.” The first meeting I had with him went great. He gave me great hope that a beautiful natural birth in a hospital was not such a long shot.

Let’s leave behind the uncertainty and focus on the miracle for a minuet in closing. We’re having another baby!!! Yesterday I had an ultrasound. This was at my request. My doctor was a little hesitant about it because he likes to avoid ultrasounds whenever possible (I love this guy!). I wanted it however to determine dates and it is the only ultrasound Smoochy and I plan on having. I never recovered my period because Normy and I are still nursing and I feel it’s important to know at what point to start doing non-stress tests…you know, after 42 weeks (I'm only half hippie!) ;-) Anyway, when that little baby came into view yesterday it was the most thrilling and fascinating moment! There really is a baby in there! Actually a lot more baby than we anticipated. New Baby is about a month older than I thought. You could already see fingers and toes, it was magical. We left clutching our little strip of black and white baby pictures with a whole new sense of hope, love, and purpose. We’re building a strong loving family one little baby at a time.